My father’s words

I came home to stacks of faded and yellowish paper, all packed neatly at our living room, ready to be sold to a rag and bone man. I realised those were my father’s! Finally… after years of stacking them on the table, he has decided to get rid of them.

Curious me decided to look through the stacks of paper. I stumbled upon this piece which had a poetic yet poignant title – <雨丝,思雨>.

It was undeniably my father’s handwriting… so I read on, and discovered his innermost thoughts I never knew existed.

“…窗外又飘着一丝丝的雨,由记得自己在雨丝中在面对生命中最残酷的一页,眼看自己最疼我的父亲被一堆的黄土盖上,虽然我知道他最疼我,然而我对他的认识却很少…”

My father lost his father when he was in 15. This piece of writing expressed his pensive poignancy and regret when he recalled the moment he saw his father, who loved him the most, being buried as the raindrops fell. The regret? He did not know much of him.

My father seldom talked to my sister and me, and if he did, his tone of voice was mostly stern, angry or just plain awkward. We never enjoyed an open and accepting relationship with him, so of course, I would never imagine him with an emotional, tender side.

However, this piece of my father’s words stirred up empathy and tenderness within me and towards him.

I thought to myself… My father had also never enjoyed a childhood with the protection of his dad. He never even knew much of his dad. How much do I exactly know my father? Would I, be like him, know very little of my own father?

At 25, I don’t want the same regret too… It was, perhaps, divine intervention that I found this piece of paper with my father’s own penned-down thoughts.

 

Advertisements

The Holy Week

Today is the start of Ash Wednesday.

Imagine the days leading to the cross… What could Jesus be feeling? Anxious? If I were him, I would try to muster my courage to face the cross, knowing that it’s the right thing to do. But I would still be overwhelmed with pain and heartache, because I know I will have to face the cross physically alone.

The day before Jesus was led to the cross, he was praying…

“And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” – Luke 22:44

Like great drops of blood… Jesus was in anguish and that moment in prayer in Gethsemane was so deep, so intense.

Have I ever entered such intense moment in prayer?

Something to reflect upon as I remember Jesus’ journey to the cross, for me, an undeserving sinner.

The answer

On my way home just this Thursday, the song, “Come Home Running” by Chris Tomlin was God’s answer to me. I knew clearly in my heart it was my Father’s response to the emotional entanglement I was feeling on Tuesday late night (see blog post below).

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

🙂

Only in Christ – Proud of my dear cousin!

As I sat there in the huuugggeeeee Suntec Convention Hall last Saturday, I felt excited. It was a graduation ceremony that all of us were willing and elated to attend.

Angie was graduating from theology school! She shared with me after the ceremony that this graduation was significant to her and certainly to her family because it was the first time she didn’t stop and run away from studying.

Looking back, we did see many failures and hurt, but this time round, it was victory. What’s better than victory? God-driven victory!

I am proud of my cousin and everyone in the family is truly happy for her as well. From a normal technical student to God’s graduate – and that is the highest honour! Such is the loving power of our awesome Jesus – that He can turn what might seem rotten into a beautiful blossom. This is the God who turns mistakes into wonderful things – our God – Christ Jesus!

20110826-125914.jpg

Live like we are dying

Today, I asked mummy a few questions using the box of questions meant for couples (I got this from the marriage counselling class I attended).

I asked a few and her answers to the following questions struck me:

1. What was her biggest regret

2. To describe her childhood in one word

3. Her favourite part of her body

Her answers were surprisingly… unlike her. Never expected her to say certain things… Some of her answers reminded me of myself. I realise my mummy and I are both perfectionists.

A perfectionist might not be perfect in reality, but they always have a way of thinking that there could be better alternative somewhere (when maybe, there could be none).

Being a perfectionist makes me have too many regrets in life. I realise that the inner perfectionist is killing the joy that I have for life and the people I have around me. Regrets are poison to my bones.

Perhaps, that is why I have always been such a careful and calculative person. It makes me restricted and I realise I have so many things I want to do but dare not do, for fear of the imperfect consequences that will come after. I want everything to be in place, and that what I do will be approved by others. This has robbed me of so many potential opportunities for exploration and joy.

Like the title of one of the songs by The Script, perhaps, I should just “live like we’re dying”. Live each day as if it were the last day of my life… Love like I’ve never did. Put in 100% effort without consideration of what others would think, even if it means actualising crazy ideas… ahhh, this mentality should come soon.

My Lord, help me to stop wanting to be perfect and start living the real life!

MM Lee and SM Goh stepping down from Cabinet!

Just a few days after I’ve written some thoughts about the “watershed election”, the “watershed-ness” of the event was brought to another level, to show how “watershed” the election truly is. BECAUSE… yesterday, it was announced that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew and Senior Goh Chok Tong are both going to step down from the Cabinet!!!

It was a moment of shock for me and definitely not a really comfortable feeling. It feels like some part of Singapore’s history has died off. There was a reluctance to see them go, yet there was a part of me that feels that Singapore has to grow up.

I think it’s the same feeling when parents see their own children grow up and having to allow them to do what they really want to pursue.

Lee Kuan Yew has fed and disciplined the baby girl extremely well and set the foundations for her bright future.

Goh Chok Tong brought the young child into adolescence, moulding her and discovering her talents.

Now, it’s the time for our Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong to see Singapore into being a young adult, to stand for herself and to be unafraid of the uncertainties to come.

Having said that, I have to say that it’s always comforting for a young adult to know that they can turn to their parents any time when they need guidance and advice. Perhaps the child would or would not take the parents’ advice but I guess that’s the pain every parent has to face. Sad.. but true.

***

Lord, I pray that your goodness and mercies will follow Singapore, all the days of her life – that we may be blessed to bless.

A flurry of activities in both countries

So much drama in both countries this weekend… One in Britain and the other one in my own country – my beloved Singapore.

The royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton was really a welcomed respite from the intense and emotional (mostly angry, agitated and frustrated) election campaigns.

My mom, being really pro-PAP, was especially angry with the opposition. She said that it is only the proud who wants to vote for the opposition because PAP has shown a good track record, so why vote otherwise? She was agitated when she saw the lack of audience in the PAP rallies and thought that people who want to vote for the opposition just because of some Teochew banter from Mr Low, were parochial.

My dad, on the other hand, was largely ambivalent and merely laughed mockingly at the angry retorts from both parties.

One special mention goes to George Yeo. I have seen his gentlemanly gestures to his detractors and his calmness in dealing with the chaos in his GRC. I applaud his wisdom. His opponents this time round, I have to admit, are really charismatic and appealing in their rhetoric.

Amidst the political hustle and bustle, the emotional highs and lows, I hold on to the hope that our sovereign God is above and beyond all these. I wonder what God is thinking as He looks down upon Singapore right now…

This General Election, fervently pray—

• That Singaporeans will think soberly and be discerning—sensitive to God’s prompting, His heartbeat, His bigger picture, His divine purpose for our nation.

• That Singaporeans will vote wisely and responsibly for candidates of exceptional character and competence. People who will inspire confidence in nation-building and the future—to see Singapore flourish (not flounder) and fulfill (not forfeit) her unique role as God’s bridge of blessing to all nations.

Psalm 78:72—David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them

~ LoveSingapore Special Call for Prayer

I shall end this blog post with beautiful pictures of the recent royal wedding. It’s such a lovely union. It gives everyone a hope that even if you are middle class and moving to the upper class (the aristocratic class) seems totally out of the question, you can still marry a Prince. It’s the same with our Christian faith if we think deeper…

My favourite picture of the lot

I was trying to figure what was special about this picture... then I spotted a cheeky face of the little boy at the corner 🙂 The flower girls look like little white daisies from above. Sooo cute!

The royal family with the Middletons

During the wedding service in Westminster Abbey. I'm trying very hard to ignore Prince William's balding spot...

Presenting the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. CAN I HAVE HER WEDDING GOWN PLEASE?

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries